"Just here is the lesson for me: when Jesus took up his cross, He was saying yes with all his being to the will of the Father. If I am unwilling to say yes in even a very little thing, how shall I accept a more painful thing? What sort of practice does it take for a disciple to learn to follow the Crucified? A friend hurts us, a plan goes awry, an effort fails--small things indeed. But then cancer strikes, a daughter marries unwisely, a business folds, a wife abandons her home and family. The call still comes to us: Take up your cross and come with Me. With You, Lord? Yes, with Me. Will You give me strength and show me the way? That was my promise--is it my custom to break promises? "
Oh I'm tired. And painting is hard work; mixing colours is hard work. Working with 5- and 6-year-olds is HARD work. Reminding them to wash their hands, to keep their hands off each other, to walk, to talk quietly, to share, how to share, how to apologise, and on and on. It's HARD. And it feels like I'm not making any difference.
But that's a lie from Satan and I'm not going to believe it. Instead, Jesus, I believe that You love these kids with everlasting love and that You called me to this job to love these kids. To, in a million small ways, be Your hands and Your feet and Your voice. And You know that I fail daily. But You forgive me and You intercede on my behalf and underneath are the everlasting arms. And You give wisdom and grace. Jesus--I need Your help! I seriously can't do this anymore unless You help me.
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